Quiet

As things calm down at work, the inbox gets quiet, there are less forms to fill out and people to help; I get to focus on my own work. This sounds ideal, but the shift to having time to work on your own writing is always a little tricky for me. I think my mind likes having the excuse of being busy with other work, it convinces me that "if I just had the time" I'd be writing my own papers for my PhD, that time is the only thing holding me back. But then "the time" is available and I'm mute. I sit staring at the clean blank page and I struggle. It's true that once I start I tend to find it easier. So I know that I should "just start writing" but is often the hardest thing for. I've come back here to try to ease myself into the act of writing again. What do you do to start? How do you work past your writer's block?

Bukowski

nobody can save you but
yourself.
you will be put again and again
into nearly impossible
situations.
they will attempt again and again
through subterfuge, guise and
force
to make you submit, quit and/or die quietly
inside.


nobody can save you but
yourself
and it will be easy enough to fail
so very easily
but don’t, don’t, don’t.
just watch them.
listen to them.
do you want to be like that?
a faceless, mindless, heartless
being?
do you want to experience
death before death?

nobody can save you but
yourself
and you’re worth saving.
it’s a war not easily won
but if anything is worth winning then
this is it.

think about it.
think about saving your self.

- Charles Bukowski, nobody but you.

Each day

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely...

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Trying to breathe

Feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment. Trying hard to focus and remember to breathe. It's not always easy.


Things that help a little...


Great advice like this...


Music like this... 






And watching videos like this...


My friend Maia from julia warr on Vimeo.

Papers papers papers

I have been working late these past two weeks to get a couple of papers ready for submission. They're two papers which will make up half of my PhD thesis and I've been working on them for some time now. I finally submitted one last Wednesday (this one had previously been rejected and needed some further polishing). And I'm about to submit the second. Well, I was until I realised I'd need a particular form emailed to me prior to submission. Bit of an anti-climax! I'm hopeful the American editors are on the ball and respond overnight. 

My reward to myself is a visit to Sydney this weekend, hopefully with sunshine. I had also planned to have my thesis review (a university required "milestone") completed by then - but alas, not to be. So I don't get to go to Sydney with an entirely guilt-free conscience. Then back to finish the next two papers...


I think that's the part I look forward to most in finishing this PhD - the removal of guilt. No matter what I'm doing, I'm always guilty that I'm not working on the PhD. It will be odd not to have that feeling!

Looking forward to some op shopping while in Sydney. Stay tuned for that when I return next week. I'll likely appear here to post during one of my bouts of procrastination.

Guest posting excitement

I was recently invited to do a guest post for one of my favourite blogs, Oliver and Abraham's while McKenzie was off getting married and enjoying post-wedding bliss with her husband Jamie. I was so excited when she asked me. But then panic set in. What would I write? It's one thing writing for your own blog (with your own very small set of followers), it's another thing entirely to write for a 'famous' blog like McKenzie's! 


I managed to put something together, with a few of my favourite pictures and emailed it through. And then it appeared! Have a look!

Thanks McKenzie, and big congratulations to you and Jamie. May you have a life filled with joy and love!

Out West

I arrived home last night after spending five days out west. It was both inspiring and exhausting. A few times a year I visit a state school in a small town called Cunnamulla with some other researchers to take science to the kids. Our goals are to: 1) get the kids to come to school, 2) get the kids to finish school, 3) get the kids to consider university as an option, and, 4) get them to consider science as a degree.

Cunnamulla State School is considered by Education Queensland as a disadvantaged school. There's a large percentage of indigenous students (86%) and attendance and compulsory test scores are lower than average. These kids are smart though, really smart. Sometimes I think they teach me more than I teach them. I only wish I could show you photos of the kids.

A fresh water turtle the kids found trapped between rocks at the Weir. We released him back into the Warrego.

The local flock of geese at the Weir.

Lovely times

I've been attempting to be gentle with myself lately. It means I'm doing little work on the PhD. But I'm also happier. 

I'm baking...

And op shopping...

And gardening more.

And that has to be a good thing. Right?

India - revisit

I miss India.

Back home again

I got back from Fraser Island last weekend but the work that naturally piles up while you're out of town kept me busy all week. This is the first chance I've had to post...the mid Friday procrastination has kicked in! Time for some tea and toast.

Fraser was beautiful as usual. Great weather (mostly), great students (mostly) and beautiful midnight and dawn swims (the only time I could sneak away). Rejuvenating. I always come back from these trips feeling like science is the right path for me. Only trouble is when I spend the next three weeks stuck at a desk...then the dreams of the country return. 

One of my favourite quotes comes from Jonathan Safran Foer. "Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living”. How are you meant to pick just one life when there are so many amazing options out there? How do you stay satisfied with what you choose? How do you not get overwhelmed by all the things you want to do? I'm ok with minimising my want for 'stuff' but I struggle with the 'wanting to do too much  stuff' bit. Where is the balance?

Cookie time

I'm heading off to tutor a field course on Fraser Island tomorrow, so I made a batch of choc chip cookies for some sustenance while tromping through the mangroves. I like trying new choc chip recipes, it's one of those baked goods which leads to an endless search for the 'best' cookie. I think I'll never find the 'best' because I like different styles of cookies...and I enjoy the search too much!

This recipe came from the Rose Bakery's Breakfast, Lunch, Tea cookbook. This book has never let me down. Mel recently made the shortcrust pastry and the muesli from it and loved both. And these cookies are no exception. They involve refrigerating the dough in a log and then cutting slices for baking. This is perfect for warm Queensland kitchens where butter melts as you shape your cookies. They're also not too sweet which I love. Perfect with a cup of tea. Or mangrove mud covered fingers.

Suitcase Rummage

Mel and I had a stall at Suitcase Rummage this afternoon. I had a lot of fun and met some lovely people...and surprisingly (to me and, especially to my partner, Andy), I didn't buy anything. I felt a little overwhelmed. There were so many stalls! I sold quite a few treasures but I think the thing I liked most was meeting and chatting with some fellow bloggers like Laura and Jules. It's always nice to meet these people in 'real life'.

One of my favourite aspects of second hand shopping and selling is the story the object carries by simply having a past. I like hearing the history of an item when I buy it and I like when someone tells me what they plan on doing with the item I'm selling them. It keeps the story going. 

I sold a framed print today (which I regret not taking a picture of) to a young lady. On the back of the frame, in faded ink, someone called auntie Flo had written an inscription to her much loved niece, Lil. It was written in 1930. When I found the frame, I immediately daydreamed about Flo and Lil and what they might have looked like. The fact that the new owner seemed equally excited by the inscription made me happy too. Maybe it's silly to be so invested in these things...

Op shopping!

I love op shopping (or thrifting). Have loved it ever since I was little. We rarely ever had new things as children, it was partly out of necessity but mostly because mum appreciated that you could get better quality clothes second hand than the sort of stuff we could afford to buy new. She also loved the hunt. And passed that love onto me and my sisters.

My mate Mel and I are going to have a stall at the very popular Suitcase Rummage tomorrow so I used it as an excuse for some last minute op shopping and I drove over to a new (to me) op shop this morning. I was so excited to spot this beautiful teapot...I've been looking for a small yellow teapot for years and never found the right one, until today! It's just the right size for two cups of tea. 

I also found some beautiful handmade aprons which I'll sell tomorrow. It amazes me that anything so beautiful was ever used to wipe your hands on! 

Friends on blogs, the new pen pals?

The thing that surprised me most when I started blogging was the easy way in which people could become friends via blog commenting. I'd seen 'famous' bloggers write about hanging out with other famous bloggers and thought it'd never happen to me. I'm yet to actually meet any bloggers in real life but I have started to count some of them as friends. And it surprises me. It shouldn't. I was a big pen pal girl as a child and teenager. I found nothing strange about writing long, often quite personal, letters to people I'd never met on the other side of the planet. Blogging is really quite similar, but strangely, it still feels odd. Maybe it has the same strange stigma as internet dating. Another thing that shouldn't be embarrassing but ends up that way for some people. I have hesitated before telling my 'real' friends about my blog friends. Why? I am glad to count these people as friends, and I'm not ashamed of them...why do I hesitate? Why am I even writing this? Maybe by verbalising it I'm attempting to make myself feel better about it. I wonder if anyone else feels this way? 


Oh dear...Has this post ended up like one of those bloody Sex In The City monologues?

Hello...

I'm Lucy, some of you may know me from the blog SkillCycle. I decided I needed a more 'personal' outlet. One of the many reasons I don't post very often on SkillCycle is that I often worry that my posts are not relevant enough for that forum - many posts end up deleted. I needed somewhere to post most generally about my life and my thoughts. This is it...I'll try to post here more regularly. There's no real theme, although most of my posts will probably be about my attempts to find a balance between wanting to run away and live on a farm and wanting to be a good scientist and have a career. I hope, at the very least I can use this as an outlet...a digital cup of tea with myself. If others read it or find anything useful, all the better. So. I shall begin.